long distance relationship

[kevin1gamer]

Alright, so here is my story. Almost everyday now I talk to this girl from Germany online. We have been doing this for a while. At first it was just normal, but now we both really like each other. I am trying to get into the foreign exchange program for my senior year (I'm a junior now). I planned to get in the foreign exchange program before I even met her online. This is actually quite ironic since she just graduated from the high school I'm going to go to when I enter the foreign exchange program, and she lives in the same city I'm going to.

I'm 17 and she is 19. She has on numerous occasions called me cute, sweet, attractive, nice, etc. I have also complimented her several times. We both have so much in common too. We love to talk to each other and I am the one who convinced her to break up with her boyfriend who kept hurting her and didn't even care about her. Please note that I am pretty sure I'm not the rebound guy. I didn't want to do anything because I thought that online dating was a bad idea, but then my best friend started doing it.

In fact, my best friend has shown me that people can indeed fall in love if they never met in person. Also, don't say something like "she is probably a 40 year old man", because she isn't (I have a friend in real life who is in the foreign exchange program and she met her when she was in Germany). She is a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and a wonderful person. Of course, when I meet her in real life once I go through the foreign exchange program, I will meet her in a public place, just to be safe. I am technically an adult under Missouri law, so it's not illegal. We won't be having any sex or anything (atleast not until we both decide that we are old enough). If I wait until I get to Germany my senior year, it might be too late, since she might think I have lost interest in her and find someone else. I'm horribly scared she will reject me, but I hope she won't. I am truly in love with her and want to be with this girl.

So I plan on asking her out, but I don't know how to go about doing so. I can't do it in person, since there is kind of an ocean and lots of land in the way, so should I just send her a message on Facebook? Or should I send her a Facebook Chat IM? What should I say to her when I ask her? I am fully committed to this girl and know the risks and disadvantages of online dating (primarily the fact that you can't physically be with the person most of the time). I will be going to Germany though in less than a year (probably around like August 2010, but possibly on January 3, 2011), and I will stay there for an entire semester. Please don't say anything like "you only have two years to get with her because of 2012", because 2012 is just a hoax and I don't believe in stupid mass hysteria hoaxes. So what should I do and how should I go about it?

[tishina]

Let me preface this by saying that I have been in an EXTREMELY similar situation and I made this account so that I could reply to you and share with you my experience.

First of all, how long have you been talking with her? Has she explicitly stated that she likes you? Does she know that you're going to Germany? Is she eager to meet you?

DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC. Also, I would suggest you look deeply into your motivations for going to Germany. I know you said that you had had this idea before you met her, but think about it again. If you're truly only going there to meet her, then don't waste your time. You could be making a big mistake.

I don't think she's an old man, and I'm not worried about the safety of the situation (meeting in a public place is more for a woman's safety anyway). I do think though that you should be very cautious because people aren't the same online as they are in person (done some internet dating myself and I've encountered some unpleasant surprises).

Don't ask her out. Don't become exclusive with a girl who's thousands of miles away. Yes, this may sound stupid/pedantic to you, but please keep your eyes open and date a few girls. I can see you've already fallen for her, but that's a big mistake. You're setting yourself up for hurt (I'll come to my experience soon). The only way you can draw yourself away from her a little is if you start looking at other girls. Also, if you're like me, maybe you've been avoiding going out with friends just to talk to her; that's also a big mistake.

Have you talked to her on the phone/skype? If not, do it. You can learn a lot from a person by actually talking to her (she might have a man voice after all ).

I'm drawing all of this from an experience I had recently. I learned how manipulative people can be even when they aren't really trying.

So, I'm a Russian language major and have been finding Russian contacts to practice with for well over a year now. Last January I met a guy from Belarus (I was 18, he was 22). We started talking normally on skype and through messenger, but I really started to like him and (I thought) he started to like me too. He would compliment me a lot too (tell me how he thinks I'm beautiful, have a beautiful voice, etc.) and tell me how he only likes to talk to me. He would stay up until crazy hours of the night just to talk to me (as he said) and he would wait for me to sign on despite the fact that he had to go to work in only a few hours. He would allude to us meeting frequently. I felt like I was in heaven during those first 5 months, but things started going down over the summer. He wouldn't sign on as frequently and when he would he would apologize, tell me he missed me, and that he was just really busy. This really destroyed me (but I was completely blind to the fact that he was causing all of the pain). I would cry for little stupid things that he would say. Whenever he had a little mood swing, I would think it was my fault. It was just messed up. Despite all of this, I was planning on taking a trip to Belarus to "shape up my Russian skills." I only realized recently that I was only going for him, which would have been a huge mistake (yes he did say that he would meet me, but I recently found that, what a surprise, he's leaving the country in March and never going back). Yes, you may be thinking, oh she would never do that to me, then think again, ask yourself if you're pulling all the weight. It worries me that you think she won't be interested in you anymore. Why would you think that? If she truly cares about you, she will wait. If this relationship is meant to be, it will happen.

You may be thinking, oh this bitch is just bitter. No, I'm not. One month ago I laid my cards on the table and he demonstrated to me his true feelings. I've since then taken a giant step back, and talked to him just as a friend. Everyday is still a little bit of a struggle, but I haven't felt this happy in a while. I feel much better now that I'm not dealing with all of this emotional baggage.

So, please, consider what I'm telling you. Maybe do what I did, lay all your cards out on the table and see what she says.