Post by The Big PINK One♥ on Sept 26, 2007 14:46:37 GMT -5
When you were younger, you probably believed the Meg Ryan movies and the accompanying romantic plots: Of course there's such a thing as love at first sight.
But now that you've been on more than a few dates, you've noticed the absence of a scriptwriter, cinematographer, hair, makeup, and lighting engineers. That meet-swoon-commit deal only happens in Hollywood, it seems. But consider this: a national survey revealed that 48 percent of men say they do believe in love at first sight.
Eye-lock with violins, anyone?
Of course, the classic definition of love at first sight includes quite a lot of physical sensations, especially where men are concerned - attraction that's triggered by a particular face, a smell, a body, or just the overall vibe for a person.
For a man, though, love at first sight quickly becomes more like "love at first-through-twelfth sight" - that is, not only the initial physical and chemical reaction that happens when he sees a woman, but also the behavior and personality nuances that come out early on in a relationship. They're the ones that determine whether the chemical reaction escalates into true love or explodes into a love-lab disaster.
Surprised? That's probably because guys get a bad rap. While many women will assert that they're out on a Friday night "looking for love," they often think that men are just on the prowl - guzzling, grinding, and groping their way into bed with you. The reality is that many men are also looking for the short-acting spark that transitions into a long-lasting flame; they just tend to be guarded in their approach.
Why? For one, you'd think he was a desperate freak if he confessed his feelings upon arrival of the Caesar salad. And two, guys enjoy the chase: you may blow him away with a handshake or certain look, but that doesn't mean he's willing to forfeit the pursuit, the mystery, the suggestive banter, or the nervous sexual energy that's coupled with newfound attraction. The trick is, of course, transitioning from the short-term chemical spark to the big-time personal commitment. These are the things men really look for when they're out there looking.
Men Want: Covert Actions
They Don't Want: Overt Ones
Seems like a simple equation, doesn't it? He likes you, you like him, you end the night with a Chapstick taste test. Contrary to popular belief, a guy doesn't gauge your passion by how quickly you fall into bed with him. In fact, for many men, their level of intensity for a woman increases the less overt physical contact he has with her.
While men certainly have quick sexual motors, a slow, gradual revving of the engine is simply longer-lasting and more satisfying. That's why women should never underestimate the value and power of the slow tease. Unexpectedly grabbing his hand, grazing his thigh, or simply making eye contact across the room builds his attraction and multiplies that in-love feeling far better than a boozy kiss 20 minutes after your introduction.
Men Want: Mystery
They Don't Want: Full Disclosure
You know how it goes. A woman confesses her love early on and she's viewed as an overbearing, bioclock time bomb who wants to lock a man into a multi-year commitment. A man who confesses his love early is more desperate for attention than that dude who just got Tasered.
While some would argue that confessing true feelings is simply honest, I would argue that men and women should revel in the slow progression of getting to know each another. Yes, it's tempting to want to spill your soul about your life, your dreams, and your secret eyebrow-plucking habit when you feel an immediate connection.
But men rarely have the same knee-jerk reaction to bare all. Let the intimacy progress naturally and he'll be hooked - naturally. In a study of newly married couples, a full 86 percent of men said their relationship did indeed classify as love at first sight.
Men Want: Implication
They Don't Want: Conversation
There's one time men like getting The Talk. At halftime. In the locker room. By their coaches. Otherwise, men just don't take very well to man-up speeches and lectures-especially when it comes to a declaration of love and commitment. The Commitment Talk doesn't stoke the spark; it pulls the plug on it.
You can convey your feelings - and help him feel the same way - without having to broach the subject through the always awkward "where is this going" talk. How? Show you're into him by getting him involved a little bit in your future.
Invite him on a day trip next weekend, book tickets in advance for a concert or play, or ask him on a hiking trip with friends for next month. By thinking ahead and involving him in your plans, you show that you're devoted enough to invest time in him - without having to make it feel like union negotiations.
Men Want: Smoke Signals
They Don't Want: Billboards
For a man, three long hours of planning something special can be easier than saying three little words. Maybe you're eager to declare your commitment and ready to end every conversation with "I love you," but the sentiment can be hard for him to share - even if he feels the same way.
Why? Some men think that if they say those words, there's some kind of unwritten code that locks him into years of nagging about bathroom habits. Truth is, he takes those words seriously (if he didn't, it wouldn't be so hard). Although he may not reciprocate your grand gestures right away, it doesn't mean he's not feeling the same way.
He'll do it with a compliment, or offering to take your wheels to the carwash, or through some elaborately planned night of romance. For more of the secret needs and language men employ, check out 50 Things Men Wish You Knew.
The flip side? He also likes the same things in return: A compliment or passing innuendo is more likely to strengthen his interest than a premature confession of love. For many men, the excitement that's sparked early on becomes more intense as he unravels the clues that you're falling for him, too.
Have other ideas or stories about love at first sight and what occurs when you think you might be in the presence of The One? Share them here.
But now that you've been on more than a few dates, you've noticed the absence of a scriptwriter, cinematographer, hair, makeup, and lighting engineers. That meet-swoon-commit deal only happens in Hollywood, it seems. But consider this: a national survey revealed that 48 percent of men say they do believe in love at first sight.
Eye-lock with violins, anyone?
Of course, the classic definition of love at first sight includes quite a lot of physical sensations, especially where men are concerned - attraction that's triggered by a particular face, a smell, a body, or just the overall vibe for a person.
For a man, though, love at first sight quickly becomes more like "love at first-through-twelfth sight" - that is, not only the initial physical and chemical reaction that happens when he sees a woman, but also the behavior and personality nuances that come out early on in a relationship. They're the ones that determine whether the chemical reaction escalates into true love or explodes into a love-lab disaster.
Surprised? That's probably because guys get a bad rap. While many women will assert that they're out on a Friday night "looking for love," they often think that men are just on the prowl - guzzling, grinding, and groping their way into bed with you. The reality is that many men are also looking for the short-acting spark that transitions into a long-lasting flame; they just tend to be guarded in their approach.
Why? For one, you'd think he was a desperate freak if he confessed his feelings upon arrival of the Caesar salad. And two, guys enjoy the chase: you may blow him away with a handshake or certain look, but that doesn't mean he's willing to forfeit the pursuit, the mystery, the suggestive banter, or the nervous sexual energy that's coupled with newfound attraction. The trick is, of course, transitioning from the short-term chemical spark to the big-time personal commitment. These are the things men really look for when they're out there looking.
Men Want: Covert Actions
They Don't Want: Overt Ones
Seems like a simple equation, doesn't it? He likes you, you like him, you end the night with a Chapstick taste test. Contrary to popular belief, a guy doesn't gauge your passion by how quickly you fall into bed with him. In fact, for many men, their level of intensity for a woman increases the less overt physical contact he has with her.
While men certainly have quick sexual motors, a slow, gradual revving of the engine is simply longer-lasting and more satisfying. That's why women should never underestimate the value and power of the slow tease. Unexpectedly grabbing his hand, grazing his thigh, or simply making eye contact across the room builds his attraction and multiplies that in-love feeling far better than a boozy kiss 20 minutes after your introduction.
Men Want: Mystery
They Don't Want: Full Disclosure
You know how it goes. A woman confesses her love early on and she's viewed as an overbearing, bioclock time bomb who wants to lock a man into a multi-year commitment. A man who confesses his love early is more desperate for attention than that dude who just got Tasered.
While some would argue that confessing true feelings is simply honest, I would argue that men and women should revel in the slow progression of getting to know each another. Yes, it's tempting to want to spill your soul about your life, your dreams, and your secret eyebrow-plucking habit when you feel an immediate connection.
But men rarely have the same knee-jerk reaction to bare all. Let the intimacy progress naturally and he'll be hooked - naturally. In a study of newly married couples, a full 86 percent of men said their relationship did indeed classify as love at first sight.
Men Want: Implication
They Don't Want: Conversation
There's one time men like getting The Talk. At halftime. In the locker room. By their coaches. Otherwise, men just don't take very well to man-up speeches and lectures-especially when it comes to a declaration of love and commitment. The Commitment Talk doesn't stoke the spark; it pulls the plug on it.
You can convey your feelings - and help him feel the same way - without having to broach the subject through the always awkward "where is this going" talk. How? Show you're into him by getting him involved a little bit in your future.
Invite him on a day trip next weekend, book tickets in advance for a concert or play, or ask him on a hiking trip with friends for next month. By thinking ahead and involving him in your plans, you show that you're devoted enough to invest time in him - without having to make it feel like union negotiations.
Men Want: Smoke Signals
They Don't Want: Billboards
For a man, three long hours of planning something special can be easier than saying three little words. Maybe you're eager to declare your commitment and ready to end every conversation with "I love you," but the sentiment can be hard for him to share - even if he feels the same way.
Why? Some men think that if they say those words, there's some kind of unwritten code that locks him into years of nagging about bathroom habits. Truth is, he takes those words seriously (if he didn't, it wouldn't be so hard). Although he may not reciprocate your grand gestures right away, it doesn't mean he's not feeling the same way.
He'll do it with a compliment, or offering to take your wheels to the carwash, or through some elaborately planned night of romance. For more of the secret needs and language men employ, check out 50 Things Men Wish You Knew.
The flip side? He also likes the same things in return: A compliment or passing innuendo is more likely to strengthen his interest than a premature confession of love. For many men, the excitement that's sparked early on becomes more intense as he unravels the clues that you're falling for him, too.
Have other ideas or stories about love at first sight and what occurs when you think you might be in the presence of The One? Share them here.
